Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

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Long Time No See……..

April 6, 2010

Hey All,

I know, I know its been a while. I have been busy with day to day life & have been neglecting my blog. Worry not though. I have decided to make a conscious effort to post SOMETHING at least twice a month.

I also want to take a moment to tell you all about a new endeavor I recently (yesterday LoL) began. Its called Denise’s Kitchen. You can find it here. It is basically a food blog. I will talk about food and all food related topics. So please, if you have some free time check it out!!

Denise aka Hello Kiity Slut

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10 Weird Things About Me

January 22, 2010

Trust me when I say I have a toy for EVERY occasion

1. I want to have sex with a transexual. I don’t know why but its like my two favorite things at once…titties & dick. How could I go wrong? I likely will never do this though, as I’m afraid of diseases.

2. I love first dates. I hate every other date after that.
3. I laugh when bad things happen to me because I figure its the most high messing with me. Spill a cup of coffee on myself, I giggle. Bust my ass in public, I dissolve in laughter. I’m sure I look nuts.
4. I don’t wear underwear and I have a shitty short-term memory. I usually keep panties in my purse, in case I have to try on jeans. Unfortunately those panties always seem to be discovered at inopportune times, like when the check comes at dinner. There are now way too many people who’ve unintentionally & undeservedly see my panties.
5. I wear flip-flops with everything–even in the winter. Im honestly waiting for What Not To Wear to ambush me.
6. I love my own breast so much that sometimes when I’m in traffic I feel myself up.
7. I once paid a friends power bill. She had a 6-year old daughter and I couldn’t bear the kid being in the dark & cold. A week later, mine was turned off because I’d forgot to pay my own. I forget to pay my¬† electric bill, so now I give them a lot of money when I pay so I have credit.
8. I once had sex with someone old enough to be my dad. GROSS. But he wasn’t as old as my dad, thank god.
9. I can not say heroin & authenticate. I don’t know why, I have tried many times. My mouth & brain just don’t connect for these words.
10. I likely have over $1000 worth of sex toys & porn (see pic). Some A lot of them I bought myself. A few of them were gifts. Nonetheless I have used them all at least once.
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Dear Booty Call (An Open Letter)

December 3, 2009

Dear Booty Call:

We have an animal attraction. If I happen to want some good sex, I’ll call you. Sometimes you’re free, sometimes not. Sometimes

Batteries Included

you call me. Sometimes I’m free, sometimes I’m not. You are good in bed; we are good in bed together. The only irritating thing in this otherwise perfect arrangement is that big fat ego of yours. While you have made it clear that you do not want a relationship, you reeeeealllly don’t seem to buy the fact that I’m not emotionally attached to you. You are puzzled that I don’t call you more often, and even more shocked when I don’t want to spend the whole night together. Get over it. A few reasons why this is:

1. I CONSIDER YOU A PIECE OF MEAT. Know how you just want to fuck? Yep, that’s right…I just want to fuck too. I know you think you are god’s gift and the smartest person alive, but you are not. The bonus of a booty call? Less talking. More fucking.

2. Personally, I don’t really like you. You aren’t that interesting, or very nice. You are good looking and have good *assets*. Perfect for what I need you for. Done deal.

3. I like my space. I like it better with only me in it.

4. My bed is fucking awesome, and I don’t like to share. Especially with someone who snores, steals the covers, and sweats profusely. Don’t get me wrong – a little sleep sweat is fine. Enough sweat to cover us both AND make me think you pissed on the sheets? Not acceptable. Please exit the premises when activities have come to a full and complete stop.

FYI – If I wanted a relationship, I would stop sleeping with you and find someone I can actually tolerate outside of the bedroom.

Sincerely,

Your fuck buddy
Denise