Archive for the ‘Fuckery & Chaos’ Category

h1

To The Woman Seated In 17A On Flight 1837 From Salt Lake City

December 31, 2009

Dear Ma’am

Let me first say you were so, so nice. I’m not taking that away from you. You asked me about my book and where I was going, and I replied though I am ashamed to say I could not look you in the eye because I was so CRAZY PISSED.

A typical plane seat in economy class is approximately 19 inches. Breaking down my 8.2-hour  journey, I paid approximately $162 for those 19 inches. By my most modest calculations, you owe me $37.70 for the four inches of comfort and privacy you robbed me of. Let’s round that figure up to $40 for that spot where your massive thigh was rubbing against me the whole one hour flight. Add another $5 (again modest) for our shared armrest having to be up because you could not fit in the seat when it was down. If I wanted to put my seat back, I had to pretend like it wasn’t embarrassing for you (yes, i was concerned about your feelings, too) for me to ask you to lean forward so I could pull out the armrest a little and push in my button.

I by no means hate fat people.Hell Im a fluffy girl myself. I believe in the freedom to do or eat anything you want so long as it does not infringe on my freedom. This is purely a matter of financial injustice.

I’m just saying that if you need two seats, pay for two seats. Don’t hate on the moderately fluffy girl who paid just as much, if not more, for those precious 19 inches of limited plane space.

If you’re out there, please mail $45.43 $45.00 to me (i’ll pay for the stamp–it’s only fair).

Hello Kitty Slut

Advertisements
h1

Reasons To Never Ask A Hello Kitty Slut Random Questions

December 11, 2009
As some of you may or may not know  I own a cat named Pheobe . This is something that happened to me when I was minding my business on an otherwise slutty day.
I was buying a large bag of Iams at Target and standing in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a cat.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Iams Diet again although I probably shouldn’t because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Iams nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I’d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I’d been sitting in the street licking my twat and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Stupid bitch…why else would I buy cat food??
I just dont understand people sometimes

Hello Kitty Slut