Archive for April, 2010

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20 Reasons I Shouldn’t Like Him , But Do Anyway

April 8, 2010

I have a long history of dating guys that I probably have no business dating. I mean dont get me wrong, I have dated some awesome guys, but I have had my share of total dickheads. So recently I have been thinking about the reasons I may constantly be attracted to the wrong kinds of men.  I started really thinking about the last man I dated and the good and bad things about him and this is what I came up with 🙂

1. You seem very  intimidating to people who don’t know you.
This makes some women  disinclined to flirt with you, thus minimizing my competition.


2. You pee on plants. In fact, you pee on a great many places that are not the toilet and do so with a complete and total lack of modesty.
At least you are mostly house-trained, as you do not usually pee on carpets, or in bed.

3.Ex-girlfriends and other such women call you with implied or expressed offers to perform/receive sexual favors.
Yes, but who are you in bed with when they call? Ha-ha, bitches!

4. You make spur-of-the-moment decisions to commit pranks of questionable legal and moral integrity.
Spontaneity adds excitement to life.

5. Women are constantly vying for your attention.
At the end of the day, you are going home with me. I repeat: ha-ha, bitches!

6. Women are constantly vying for your attention (this happens a lot, hence the repetition).
You will do anything for a deserving woman. Females instinctively sense this. I can’t fault them for recognizing my good fortune.

7. You get really drunk, quite often.
I get laid. Plus, in your inebriated state you can go for hours.

8. Really drunk.
I can ply you with questions about all the things you won’t tell me sober.

9. Really, really, drunk.
Well, it’s better than other things you could choose to use as an emotional salve for your past transgressions.

10. You warned me in advance that you are an asshole, thinking this excuses you from asinine behavior since it is my own fault if I hang out with an admitted asshole.
You don’t try to hide who you are.

11.You unashamedly tell me stories of past incidences involving gross bodily functions.
I work very hard to forget these stories. Ignorance is bliss.

12. If I look fat or  crazy in something , you will tell me.
But if I look gorgeous, you will also tell me. And I can believe you, since you feel no societal obligation to pander to my ego.

13. You are a conceited, egomaniacal, and think you are a sex god.
You are multitalented, attractive, and fantastic in bed.

14. You would never vote for a woman president.
If I wanted to be president, you wouldn’t try and stop me (though you still wouldn’t vote for me).

15. You dislike commitments and similar obligations.

But your very dislike indicates that you take them seriously, and once made, you will never renege on your commitment.

16. You are a “connoisseur of women”.
How do I not benefit from your many years of practice?

17. You have some amazingly misguided thought processes at times.
You are an original thinker.

18. You must be in control of all things at all times.
Said control being demonstrated with blatant displays of chivalry.

19. I think you like making women cry.
Sometimes I like to cry, and have a hard time doing so without inspiration.

20. You talk about all the elaborate, amazing, romantic things that you have done for other girls, but have yet to attempt such romance towards me.
You are just biding your time for the perfect moment, right? Right?

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Long Time No See……..

April 6, 2010

Hey All,

I know, I know its been a while. I have been busy with day to day life & have been neglecting my blog. Worry not though. I have decided to make a conscious effort to post SOMETHING at least twice a month.

I also want to take a moment to tell you all about a new endeavor I recently (yesterday LoL) began. Its called Denise’s Kitchen. You can find it here. It is basically a food blog. I will talk about food and all food related topics. So please, if you have some free time check it out!!

Denise aka Hello Kiity Slut