h1

Lets Take A Moment To Define Casual Sex

December 26, 2009

Far be of it for me to intrude upon our illicit activities in life (I am indulging too, there’s no need to get uptight now, is there?), but after a few fucked up experiences in my (and all of our) effort to find a warm, willing someone to touch our soft parts, I find a need.

Only us over educated and neurotic assholes can fuck up something simple as casual sex, and all over definitions. So, as a public service, here follows the definitions of some (some is key here) of the sexual liaisons available to the discerning urbanite:

Sex With No Strings. Pretty simple, and to the point – fucking. Lots of it. Usually in one session – thus, no strings. In other words, no expectations of future humping, unless a new relationship is negotiated. Sex With No Strings means I will not a call you later, I will not meet your parents, and no, you can’t sleep over (and cuddle rape me no less). This is the traditional One Night Stand, folks, it just doesn’t have to start in a bar, nor do you need to be drunk.

Guys, there are manners. You do not ejaculate, and instantly ask when the next bus runs outside, a bit of small talk costs you nothing and might reward you with an upgrade to fuck buddy status. Also, this is one you DO NOT call later, drunk, horny, and confused. This is one that is “use once, throw away”. Unless it’s so good, you have to go back…I’m told that usually you can decide this 30 seconds after you cum…then it’s upgrade time.

Gals. This is NOT A RELATIONSHIP. STOP telling your girlfriends about the awesome guy you met last night, he’s not calling you again. Yes, he used you. You used him right back. Enjoy the power. These are hook ups you don’t talk about, nor do you take them around to meet your pals for drinks the next day. You fuck, they leave. Simple.

Booty Call: This is someone you’ve Sexed With No Strings, or dated. Maybe you were married. Or he is, and you work together. Or you both are. This is someone you can call anytime, day or night, and chances are, you will get laid. You have one or two of these, right? Everyone does. Anyone who’s dating someone else, and it’s the first year, dreads these. We all know who they are. We have ours.

Guys and Gals – these happen FROM previous relationships. Stop asking for them, you’re putting the horse before the cart. One of the important things here is, A., you know calling them is okay, and vice versa, and B., you know what they’re like in bed, they’re acceptable to you, and there will be no uncomfortable “surprises” at the door if they come over. Slow it down, Speed Racer, and try Sex With No Strings first. And finally, these are the super, super secret ones. Nobody ever knows. Ever. If you tell your current girlfriend/boyfriend, you destroy the relationship AND the bootycall.

Fuck Buddy. These are the fun ones, and the most dangerous. It’s about sex – lots of it, and all the time. After work, before work, all weekend, in a Tahoe on a ski weekend (fireplace sex is the BEST), and they’re allowed to stay over. Can be ongoing, like a booty call, and will be dusted off between relationships. “Funny, I never met HIM the 3 years we dated? Oh, he’s one of THOSE.” You might even date, go out, show each other off, but once things get personal, you both know it’s time to split up, for now. They’re the one person who won’t get upset if you say “I met someone…” because they did, too.

Guys and gals, warning -these relationships are treacherous. They CAN and do sometimes get real, and the other person rarely agrees it’s time to start sharing the bureau and bathroom. Be open, honest, and make sure you’re BOTH on the same page, and the kingdom is yours.

However, for the meek at heart, beware. These are the relationships where fetishes, fantasies, and pure unadulterated hedonism occur, and it’s expected. This is the time for her to try drinking the blood from a wound on your lower belly while she jerks you off, because those bloody vampire movies turn her on in a way she’s not ready to deal with. This is the time he’ll be into trying threesomes, or more. Do not be offended if he wants to share you, you are his favorite toy, and it’s a mark of honor that he’s comfy with it. Indulge. But if they rock your polite, vanilla ideas of what sex is a little too hard, be aware you are in far, far over your head, and you need to back off and either date (foolish exercise that it is) or dabble with Sex With No Strings, so you can at least escape his/her chamber of horrors.

Yes folks, this is the one where you get your stories. Love them, live them, and respect them. You’ve both worked hard.

Friends With Benefits. Yes, that one. Okay, some blunt truth. Women tend to abuse this one to try and trap a guy into a relationship, and guys generally confuse this with Fuck Buddy, Booty Call, and Sex With No Strings – and generally all in one night. Guys, these are going to be tough for you, for one reason: the word “friends”. These relationships have a very good shot of turning into a real relationship. See “When Harry Met Sally”. This is someone you’d probably be dating, anyway, and the only difference is no sex. Adding sex can be tricky, as it moves the relationship into a grey area, of where you’re not sure how you feel.

OR

It’s someone you trust utterly, who can share this intimacy with you without freaking out on you, and it’ll be your shared secret, one that means something. Yes, guys, sex can be meaningful.

This is one where friendship needs to be present first – a strong friendship that can survive the rocky shore of sexual relations. If your friendship is rocky, chaotic, inconstant, and does not have solid communication skills on both sides, mutual trust and respect, it’s just a bad idea to begin with, and it will kill your friendship – one that you generally want to cling to, as they count for far more than fleeting sex.

Of most of the women I know, very few of them could handle it, and were confusing the intimacy of friendship with something else. Gals: this is a bad way to find a boyfriend. If he’s already a friend that means you don’t want to date him, or you’re not sure. Make up your mind before plunging in. If you have any feelings for him, and don’t admit it up front, it won’t go well. Don’t dupe a guy – they hate that. Don’t lie.  Asking for a Friends With Benefits screams one thing in my opinion; someone who cannot be honest about what they’re looking for, and is using his/her sexuality, or the lure of it, to bypass the hard work of actually meeting someone, getting to know them, and actually relating to them on various levels.

Guys: This is trouble for you, for that “friend” word. Yes, it means you have to be a friend, and all that implies. That means she CAN in fact call you when she’s weepy, and you have to listen. That means you’re NICE to her, and do nice things for her. It may even occurred to her that you really like her, which is why you’re friends with her. This is one you introduce to your family, if they don’t know her and adore her already, but as just friends – they’ll understand later if that changes. It also means that you won’t be having sex all the time, you’re friends, remember? That means doing things with her, like going to the store with her, getting her medicine and soup when she’s sick, driving her when her car is in the shop…you know the drill. If any of this irks you, you’re not being honest about her, and you need to figure out what you’re doing, or negotiate for a different status.

So that’s all for now everyone. Please be clear with people from the beginning as to what you want, chances are there are PLENTY of “someones” to fill your every & I mean every need – however you need to be honest and get your terms right. If you want a boyfriend/girlfriend don’t agree to be anyone’s Friend With Benefits, be honest with the other person. Don’t agree to a night of Sex With No Strings if your going to call her 10 times the next day asking her where she is and who she’s with. It truly is a waste of time & energy but further more your wasting time in which you could be fucking.

Hello Kiity Slut

Advertisements

21 comments

  1. Thats some confusing shit…all I wanted was some slowneck and some cookies.


    • Slowneck & Cookies falls under the Friends With Benefits Category. You need to tell the skank chick that your dealing with what you expect out of this relationship. Make sure shes with baking & boning thats all.Unfortunately some women think baking elevates them to the next level. You don’t want that to happen, trust me. Communication is key here.


  2. The stories I cold tell you after reading this post would amaze and have you falling out of your seat laughing. I have at one point been each one of the above. I can honestly say that I have yet to meet a woman that did not change the rules during each relationship. I have have been up front and honest during each endeavour. Every time and I do mean every time the woman has a change of heart. I am not bragging nor do I require a pat on the back, however sexual pleasing a woman has never been a problem. Most of the women seem to get upset e I do not always nutt. This is not what I want all of the time. The idea woman being satisfied is off the meter with me. Watching a woman cum is such a turn on. (Off on a tangent). Anyway, that friends situation always gives the wrong impression. Ladies think this is everything I want in a man, we think this is what friends do for each other. Fuck buddies and booty call works when she is cumming every so often and can handle that since it beats not cumming at all. Now when she is getting an orgasm damn near every time we fuck, well that changes to I need this on a regular basis. No strings attached now we are working with something. These are the ladies that are usually married or in a relationship that they want to fuck up. He is the marring type but just ain’t hitting the right spots. Those are the women that are ready to fuck and get ghost. Hit and split. There are very few of these women ready to give up what is paying the bills, raising the kids and ready for the family vacation every year. I know it is wrong to sleep with the happily married woman she can’t be that happy sexting me. Right?
    Just wanted to give my 2 cents. You know I still got mad love for ya! Damn! Too bad you are not in Memphis! We could be………… LMFAO!!!!

    Yo Boi,
    Imezru2


    • I like you agree that No Strings is the best way to go but its like finding a fucking Bigfoot. You know that mother fucker is out there somewhere, but you just cant find him. I have had my share of No Strings guys, however I draw the line at fucking someones husband…boyfriend….maybe but husband no. The problem I find with my No String relations is that I really don’t want to know about them, their lives, hobbies, & interest and most men cant fathom the fact I don’t give a shit and then they become bothersome. This is why now when I engage in these affairs I only perform so-so that way they loose interest quickly.


  3. Ha! I’ve had every scenario you named. Sometimes it sucked, other times it was the ideal situation. Either way, I totally agree with you that you need to define the terms and draw the line in the sand before you start telling ’em to “fuck me harder” or kick them out so you can get some sleep before work.


    • I will be honest here I have had some “one night stands” where I repeatedly yelled “Fuck Me Harder” so I can understand why you may not have that conversation tight out the gate but if you see the person will be given a promotion you MUST then draw the line in the sand.


  4. Very informative. You should start a magazine


    • Thank you! If I did start a magazine it would be dedicated to sex, drugs, & Hello Kitty. That combination is the reason I don’t think the magazine would work.


  5. Lol. It never ceases to amaze me, how funny life is. I either meet women who are too young to know what it is they want, or have been with some asshole that sours them on any of the types of relationships you’re blog talks about. I found your blog to be very on point and correct. I knew a 17 year old once that I would have given just about anything, just to know what we had. Nice to see she has grown into a very wise woman.


  6. I told you I would come and read it today lol

    Interesting to say the least. I don’t I agree with some of it.

    Sex with no strings why the hell would anyone want small talk from some random fuck? No if he busts a nut then it is expect he get his shit and get out. He’s doing good if I let him shower first. That’s what no strings mean…I don’t need nor want small talk.

    Friends with benefits. Is pure bullshit. You are in a relationship but don’t want to admit it cause you want to an out or a “reason” to cheat.


    • As far as small talk goes in SWNS the reason I am for small talk is because I feel like as a sexual partner there are things I may need to know. Do you like your nipples twisted when we fuck? Do you like your balls squeezed extra tight. I’m not saying that you should speak about what you plan to do after fucking, tomorrow or next week. I just find that I have more enjoyable experiences when I know a bit about what my partner likes. You know I have had this argument many times about “Friends With Benefits” and a little more than half of the people I have debated with agree with you. I understand how some think of this as a relationship, but a relationship can’t be started until two people decide that yes, we should be together & see each other exclusively. I have friends that I love being friends with and love fucking but I could never be in a “relationship” with them. For this reason they remain FWB. I simply can’t accept that Friend + Sex = Relationship. Thank you for reading and commenting though!!


      • I had to come back to see your reply…

        SWNS – I think you got it wrong sis, I don’t need to know what you like…sex with no strings to me means you get yours the best way you can cause I’m going to get mine….all that what I like when fucking should be discussed…when fucking…

        we will have to agree to disagree on Friends with benefits…I could never fuck a friend…I value my friends too much..fucking them muddies the waters…I wouldn’t want to lose the friendship over some sex…I can go get me some SWNS if I’m so pressed to get fucked….


      • I figured you would come back LoL………

        I think we are going to agree to disagree on both categories. While I do agree with you that in a SWNS they need to get theirs because I am going to get mine, for me to get mine I like certain shit done to me that requires me to tell them. No I can’t choke myself. I need to let them know “hey you need to choke me”. For that reason alone I play fair and if they have any freaky, strange, or even vanilla things they like, I’d like for them to tell me, thus guaranteeing a good time for all parties involved. Just because I have no intention on calling you back tomorrow doesn’t mean I don’t want to enjoy myself full tonight. I do see where your coming from if you are talking about a SWNS quickie, but if I m fucking for real, no I need to know some things and I need for them to know some things.
        Most of my friends give the same argument for why they wouldn’t fuck their friends but again that s why I said when embarking in this situation you need to tread closely and make sure all parties are on the same page at all times otherwise you do have problems.


  7. That was an excellent read! I’ve been married so long that I didn’t know there were all these casual sex sub-catagories… LYING! I just forgot what types I was involved in. Either way, I have no regrets because it was what I was willing have at the time.


    • LoL, thank you for the read and I think its good you have no regrets because as you said at the time that is what you were willing to accept.


  8. lol i think i read this too fast because i drove for damn near 10 hours today and im kinda delirious now. but i believe the only one i have had is the “friends with benefits” which did end up turning into a relationship (my current one hehe) and i’m happier than i’ve ever been in my life. didn’t plan on it turning out this way at all, but shit happens. and thats cool with me lol


  9. I like the breakdown, need to put this in a brochure for those who have questions. As you may well know, these folks exist in droves!!!!


  10. Great post you were dead on describing the different types of casual sex. I’ve been in them all, made a few mistakes but I just keep trucking. Communication is key so I’m glad you hit on that point because so few understand this rule. Great job! Love the blog.


  11. Enough said with the “cuddle rape”! So true! great blog overall btw!


  12. Such a we’ll thought out, honest and factual post. Why can’t you send this to the WORLD maybe some of these mofos will get they shit together! FWB is probably the murkiest of them all… *whew*… but it can be the most rewarding, which is why it should be wit a person that is stable, mentally and emotionally, if not *STALKER ALERT*…

    GREAT READ



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: